As a single surfer girl in Southern California, I spent a good amount of time swiping through dating app profiles of men my age, reading what different guys had to say about themselves. Several times, I would see a great looking guy, who seemed awesome, then either buried in his “about me” or “what I’m looking for” paragraph was the dreaded: no cats. 😭 It’s ok, Ariel and Aurelia are worth it! I would tell myself as I reached down and scratched one of the furry balls cuddled next to me, and swiped on.
Introducing My New Boyfriend to the Cats
Cue meeting Walt. When we met, he actually had really bad cat allergies!! So, every time he walked into my house, within an hour he would have itchy, watery eyes and start sneezing. I have to give him so much credit here. That would have been a big NO for me, if I were him! On top of that was the cats acceptance of him. One did, but the other… did NOT.
Ariel approached him cautiously at first. She had to sniff every inch of him, his shoes, his bag, his hat when he took it off. But she quickly warmed up and began greeting him with her happy tail shakes when he came over. Followed by her famous attempt to get him to pet her while she ate her kernels. She is in absolute heaven if someone pets her while she eats.
My Cat Hated My Boyfriend!
Aurelia, on the other hand, did NOT warm up to him. She did the opposite. She would see or hear him coming to the door, and promptly run at top speed to the deepest, darkest hiding place she knew of: under the bed. He didn’t even lay eyes on her until about his fourth visit. So I decided to try to force her to stay in the same room to get to know him. He texted when he was about to walk in, and I gently closed the door to her hiding spot. I’ll never forget her face when he walked in and she realized her escape was gone! Ears back, arms pushed straight out in front of her, look of fear in her eyes, and the mad dash to dig under the door. She acted like she was about to be eaten! When digging under the door failed, she resorted to loud, wailing meows for my help. Seeing how scared she was, we decided to just act as if we didn’t notice her. That kind worked. After about 15 minutes, she walked over to curl up underneath the kitchen table, with a very clear view of us.
But Walt was not to be defeated. He had a few tricks up his sleeve that surprised me! Again, I give him so much credit for this – he has some kind of instinct on how to get a difficult animal to like him. Which is lucky for us, because neither of us thought ahead enough to actually research how to get a cat to like your boyfriend. (Which is why I am sharing this with you now!) Now that I have been looking for recommendations on how to help a cat adjust to a new family member, I’m extra impressed because he already knew all the steps!
How to Get a Cat to Like You (Walt’s secrets)
1. First Step is to start slow, per Pet Place. Just like we did. Aurelia was a rescue, so had an unknown history of interactions with humans. I wanted to force her to be friendly, and pull her out of hiding so bad; but Walt encouraged me to wait the first few days and see what she would do. He accidentally left his sweatshirt on the couch one night, which I saw her sniffing multiple times the next day. Cats’ smell ability is way better than ours – up to 14 times stronger – which allows them to really get to know someone (or something) by their scent. (Read more by PAWS Chicago here) With a skittish, scared cat like Aurelia, that was a great idea to “go slow” with the introduction and allow tons of sniffing opportunities
2. Bring Gifts Who doesn’t like it to be their birthday every day? Animals or human, we all love happy surprises. Cosmo magazine does a pretty funny piece on introducing your boyfriend to your cat, that makes the point of making sure treats show up when he does. Walt started showing up at least once a week, usually more, with something for the cats. Or, I would have him feed them their favorite: wet food packets. That’s how they got some of their best toys, and meals!
3. Figure Out How to Cater to the Cat’s Specific Interests. WikiHow has some great suggestions of having your boyfriend approach the cat on the cat’s terms, in ways that it prefers. Or to offer it gifts that the cat specifically loves best. Aurelia was so hard to appeal to this way. She doesn’t like treats, and is almost immune to catnip. So those were failed attempts that went to Ariel. What Aurelia does love is pets, brushings, and physical attention. But she was too scared yet for Walt to get within three feet of her. Until our last-ditch attempt.
When Nothing Seems to Work, Laugh About It
One evening after laughing about it over a glass of wine, we tried something a little out-of-the-box and creative. We knew she was watching us closely from the other room, so decided to pull out her favorite brush and… use it on Walt!! I pretended to “brush” Walt’s leg, and Walt pretended to love it, for a couple of minutes until we both were laughing too hard to keep it up. And you will never believe this: it WORKED!!! Aurelia, the timid, scaredy cat who didn’t like treats, let her jealousy get the best of her, and… boldly walked up to Walt‘s leg, meowing for her own brushing!!
That moment of just being silly and over-the-top trying to get her to like Walt, ended up being our breakthrough with her. She let Walt brush her, then pet her, scratch her head a bit, before scampering off back to her room.
4. Be Consistent and Frequent. Walt continued to be consistent, and every few days made sure to show up, give her gifts, feed her her favorite wet food, and give her as much attention as she would tolerate. Every advice column you find will tell you the same thing too, to consistently work towards presenting the partner as a safe and friendly visitor. Again, Walt deserves a lot of credit for the effort he put towards this. He didn’t give up, month after month after month. It took a full 4 months for Aurelia to actually tolerate him, and not run when he walked in the room.
You will never guess what happened after that. It has been probably the biggest reward a cat can give to a human, and a huge turning point in Walt’s and my relationship actually. Aurelia not only learned to like Walt, she started to LOVE him, even more than me, her original human!
Especially when we all moved in together as a family. She literally decided to become his cat. She came immediately when he called her, learned commands and special tricks just for him, and chose his lap first whenever we were sitting together on the couch. She even gets jealous now, if he gives me more attention than her. When he leaves for work trips, she found items that smelled like him, and sat on them for hours a day. This is her sitting on his knee brace for days on end:
As a half-joke last year, I finally printed him an adoption certificate that certified him as her new owner. I don’t think anyone was as happy as she 🙂
Walt was especially kind and consistent with Aurelia at first, more than I think could be expected of any new boyfriend. But the effort paid off way beyond ever expected in the long run. Hopefully their sweet story can encourage you to not give up, and know that however many blank stares you get, your efforts to win the love of a cat are not going unnoticed.
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